


5 minutes of thought for 5 days of anxiety

by uwukathie



Series: Evan Buckley’s stories [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Athena and Bobby are Buck's parents, Buck talks about the therapist, Buck watches SVU, Established Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Established Relationship, Everyone worries about Buck, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, This ended up a whole lot longer than I thought it would be, Trials, law and order SVU marathons, of someone on a call, the trial isn't really that long, this fic is mostly feelings and hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-16 00:56:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21499198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwukathie/pseuds/uwukathie
Summary: Buck is asked if he will testify against Dr. Wells. It takes him 5 minutes to decide he will.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Evan Buckley’s stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544404
Comments: 8
Kudos: 356





	5 minutes of thought for 5 days of anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! This fic will discuss Buck being sexually assaulted by the therapist from 1x02

The 118 is gathered around the table, eating dinner, when Athena comes up the stairs, face set in a serious expression, as usual.

“What are you doing here, Athena?” Bobby asks, standing up from his seat at the head of the table to greet his wife. Athena smiles grimly at him, but allows him to kiss her cheek.

Buck doesn’t listen to their quiet conversation, instead focusing on his own conversation with Hen, Chimney and Eddie. The four are discussing a call from a few days prior, a man who had tripped on the sidewalk and managed to get his head stuck in a gutter.

Hen guffaws as she cracks jokes. Buck is laughing along brightly, when he looks up and sees Athena and Bobby looking at him.

“I need to talk to you, Buck.” Athena says. The other three firefighters pause in their conversation as they look between Buck and Athena.

“Am I in trouble again?” Buck says, smiling nervously. The corner of Athena’s lips barely perk up.

“No, not in trouble.”

-

Athena brings him downstairs, into the bunk room. She shuts the door behind her for privacy. Buck considers making a joke, but he knows Athena would smack him. So instead he sits quietly on a bed and waits.

She sighs, rubbing her forehead, before sitting on the bed across from him.

“What’s going on?” Buck asks, the tension in her shoulders is noticeable.

Athena, never one to beat around the bush, asks “Are you willing to testify at Dr. Wells trial?”

Buck feels as if the air has been punched out of him. He takes a deep breath to steel himself. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Dr. Wells is pleading not guilty. They are searching for more victims. When I found out I thought I would ask you.” Athena tells him. 

Buck takes in the information, scratching at his pant leg absentmindedly as he gathers his thoughts.

Athena lets him sit in silence for a moment. Before she starts again. “You don’t have to, of course. But I wanted you to know it’s something you can do.”

Buck nods at her. He stares at the floor, completely unfocused to what’s around him.

“I’ll do it.” He says after a few moments. Athena’s eyebrows arch toward her hairline.

“Are you sure?” 

Buck continues to nod, “I am.” he says. He tangles his fingers together nervously, squeezing his hands.

“Okay, well I’ll call the ADA. The trial starts Monday.” She says, she claps his shoulder gently as she stands up. “I’m proud of you, Buckley.”

She leaves him alone in the room. Buck watches her go, and stares out the cracked open door. The knot of anxiety in his stomach begins to steadily grow, making him feel nauseous.

A few minutes pass before a shadow passes the door and it’s pushed open slowly. “Ev?” Eddie’s head pops into the room. Buck looks up and catches his gaze.

“What’s going on? Athena didn’t explain to us and Bobby said it wasn’t his place to tell?” Eddie asks, he walks up to Buck, gently sitting beside him.

“I’m going to appear in court. For my..” Buck pauses, thinking of what title would fit her, before settling for “..old therapist.”

“Oh.” Eddie says, Buck can tell he’s at a complete loss for words.

Buck leans into his boyfriend’s side, relaxing as Eddie puts an arm around his shoulder.

“Well, I know that you’re the bravest person I know, and you’re going to do great.”

Buck turns his head to face Eddie, giving him a gentle smile. He feels the knot in his stomach shrink, just a little.

-

Buck continues the rest of the shift as if nothing is wrong. He’d explained the situation to Hen and Chimney very quickly. That he would be going to court to give his testimony on Dr Wells. But the rest of the day he shoved the information away.

“Do you want to come to my place tonight?” Eddie asks from behind Buck as the two change into their regular clothes. The rest of the team has already headed home. Buck turns to and smiles to Eddie, but shakes his head.

“I’m fine.” Buck says. Fixing the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

“Who said you weren’t?” Eddie responds.

Buck glances back up, but shakes his head again and goes to change his pants.

“I think I just need some time alone, I don’t want to freak Christopher out.” Buck tells Eddie honestly. Eddie goes to reply but seemingly changes his mind. Instead nodding slowly.

“If that’s what you need.” Eddie says instead. Tying his own shoes. “But, if you change your mind, even if it’s four in the morning, come on over.”

Buck nods. “Of course. Now you get home to the little man! Tell him I said Hi.” The two share a kiss goodbye.

-

That evening Buck sits up in bed, back reclined against his headboard and laptop balanced on his lap. He freezes with his fingers over the keys for a moment. Mulling over what to type in the search bar, before he eventually settles on typing into google "What to expect when testifying against a rapist"

His fingers shake slightly at the last word, breath catching as he finally presses enter.

-

Buck's phone ringing shocks him out of his focus, and he flinches from the loud sound. His focus finally shifting away from the articles and news stories he'd been captured in.

"Hello?" He asks, at a complete loss about why someone would be calling him so late at night. 

"Buck! How are you doing?" Maddie chirps on the other end of the line. Sounding comfortable as ever speaking over the phone.

Buck's eyesbrows furrow. "I'm fine, why are you calling at.."

Buck pauses to glance at the corner of his computer screen for the time, but is completely dumbfounded when he realizes the time says '7:14 AM"

"7 AM?" He barks, carelessly shoving the laptop aside.

"What?" Maddie asks on the other end, but Buck doesn't answer her as he frantically pulls on the first pair of pants he can find.

"You okay?" She asks, calling his name a couple times for good measure, Buck groans as he sprints downstairs to find his unpacked duffel bag.

"I'm fine!" He says again, panting from the effort of sprinting through the house to gather his things. He throws them haphazardly into his bag. "I just didn't realize how late it was getting." He glances out his windows for a moment, but recognizes that the sky is overcast. At least that explains why he didn't notice a lot of light coming in. But not how he'd managed to stay up through the night.

"What? Did you get distracted on your phone again?" She teases, "Remember last time? When captain Nash-" Maddie rambles on with the story, Buck only half listens as he ties his shoes.

"Anyway! I just wanted to call to check on you, usually you would be on your way to work by now, wouldn't you?" Buck can faintly hear the sound of a car honking over the line, Maddie grumbling "Oh come on, LA drivers!"

"I should be." Buck says simply, "I need to get going so I won't be late, but I'll talk to you later."

-

Buck walks into the fire station, his shift was meant to start at 7:30 AM But he found himself finally rolling in at 7:58

Hen glances at her watch as soon as Buck walks into the building, "Almost a full half hour late, Buck! That's a new record!" she teases.

Buck shakes his head in her direction. "I was up late last night." He says simply.

Hen must recognize something in his voice because she follows him toward the locker room. She blocks the door so she can see his face.

"Jesus, Buck. Up late? You look like a zombie."

Buck wouldn't know, he'd barely brushed his hair this morning. Even forgoing his usual gel, leaving his hair to fall near his eyebrows in front of his face.

"Go rest in the bunks, I'll bring you some breakfast when Cap finishes cooking." 

Buck opens his mouth to decline but she simply shakes her head.

"Get changed and go take a nap, Buckaroo."

-

Buck stirs awake slowly, his work uniform is uncomfortable but he finds himself burying his face back into the pillow, wanting to just keep sleeping.

Instead, he glances up at the clock hanging over the door, it reads 9:20 AM. He turns his head and sees there's a plate on the nightstand, a couple of clearly cold omelettes and a few slices of bacon sitting in it.

Buck goes for the food, shoving it into his mouth. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he started eating. He thinks back to the night before, he'd planned to only be online for thirty minutes or so, then he would eat some leftovers and head to bed.

Instead he had not slept, and not eaten.

After finishing the two omelettes he finally feels some energy come back. 

-

"Have a good nap?" Chimney asks as Buck makes his way upstairs.

Buck smiles at him, making sure he puts some bounce in his step as he responds "I feel better rested than ever!"

Hen fixes him with a disbelieving glance, she blatantly stares at the bags under Buck's eyes. But he ignores her glare.

Eddie waves Buck over, and the two end up sitting on the couch playing a video game as they wait for the next call. Buck considers his words, before grinning. He pauses the game to turn to Eddie.

"It's already 9:30 and still no calls." Buck says. Eddie freezes beside him. Chimney and Hen, amusingly in sync, turn to glare at him, and then at the speakers attached to the ceiling.

"You better not..." Chimney says. The four of them sit in silence for a moment, before eventually Buck feels Eddie relax into him, and Chimney and Hen go back to whatever scheming they were doing.

As soon as Buck unpauses the game the alarm blares through the firehouse. Alerting them of a small grass fire in someone's front yard.

"God, Buck! Every time! You know better!" Chimney shouts. 

Buck chuckles. "You know I don't!"

-

The call passes quickly, the team making quick work of putting out the accidental fire. The man who had started it, a college aged boy having a bonfire with some friends, thanks them profusely.

Buck can't quite figure out why the man was having a bonfire at 9 in the morning, but he figures it's not the weirdest thing he'd seen in his line of work.

The crew packs everything up, finally piling into the truck only about 20 minutes after getting there.

As Bobby starts the car Buck finds his vision becoming slightly blurry, but he ignores it, rubbing his eyes and nodding along to the story Chimney is telling them.

Once a silence lulls across the truck, Buck tells the team "I think I'm going to go back to the bunkrooms when we make it back.

He catches sight of Bobby in the mirror, glancing back at him. 

"Two naps in one day? You must really be tired." Hen remarks, Buck pointedly ignores the way Eddie bumps shoulders with him, he knows if he looks up he'll see Eddie's concerned face staring back at him.

As the firetruck turns onto the road of the fire station the radios go off again. Stating a multiple car pile up on the interstate.

"You might have to hold off on that, Buck." Bobby comments as he turns the firetruck back around.

-

The second call ends up taking much longer than the first, the team finally climbing into the truck at almost 12 PM.

Buck ignores the way his head pounds the entire ride back, instead listening as Bobby talks about all the food that will be ready for lunch. Buck figures he can stay awake until then.

-

The team gets back in time for a big lunch, and Bobby immediately gets set to cooking. Buck decides to help out, pulling whatever ingredients his captain asks for. Hen cracks a joke about Buck being a good little assistant, and he grins broadly at her.

“Of course I am!” He chirps back. Ignoring the way his eyes just want to drop closed. He keeps himself focused on every instruction from cap. Preheat the oven to this, stir this pot, hand me a pepper. If he just focuses on the instructions he can ignore the tiredness.

Finally, the two finish up lunch. Bobby brings the big pan to the table while Buck pours the sauce into a serving bowl.

He brags to Eddie about cooking the food, to which Eddie teasingly responds “You helped.” And squeezes Buck’s arm.

-

They’re halfway through lunch, chatting loudly and enjoying their meal, when the alarm goes off again. Buck ignores the way it makes him want to groan. Instead following the team downstairs and into the truck.

The rocking of the truck lulls him, the heavy suit is warm, despite being uncomfortable. And the loud sound of the running truck turns into white noise.

Buck smacks himself, Eddie glancing over in surprise at the motion.

“What on earth?” Chimney says, surprised at how hard Buck had hit himself. Buck shrugs.

“Just tryna stay awake!” He chirps.

Hen is staring at him again, concern clearly written all over her face. But he ignores them as he climbs out first as soon as the truck stops.

-

The calls continue to be back-to-back.

The crew are in the fire truck heading back to the station, or checking over the truck back at the station, each time the alarms go off.

Buck finds his feet dragging until he gets to the call. Then adrenaline kicks in and he’s at it again, saving people and not feeling tired at all.

But each time he climbs back into the truck his head feels a little heavier.

Finally, after their 9th call of the day, the fire truck pulls into the garage and there isn’t an alarm.

Buck checks over the truck with the rest of the team as quickly as he can. Fire coat already shed into his locker. He knows his hair smells like smoke and he just wants to take a shower and go to sleep.

“Hey, Buckley, go take a nap.” Cap says, interrupting Buck’s task of checking medical supplies. He looks up to see his whole team is watching him.

He glances up at the clock on the wall, seeing it reads 5:20 PM

“It’s almost dinner time, isn’t it?”

Buck isn’t sure why he says it, and he knows his head is blaring at him for it. But he ignores it as he plasters on a bright eyed smile.

“I can help Cap this time, Buck. Go sleep.” Chimney says it this time, Buck glances at each face.

He sees the concern, the nervousness. The same nervousness they’d looked at him with after the pulmonary embolism. 

“I’m fine.” Buck says, planting his feet and standing up straight. He spins around on one two and climbs up the stairs before anyone can respond, pulling out pots and pans and placing them on the counter.

Bobby comes after him a second later, standing on the other side of the counter he tells him “Buck, I think you need some rest. With everything these past few days-“

Buck interrupts him. “I’m fine, Bobby. I can still work great. I saved multiple people today, was there an issue?”

Bobby shakes his head, “No, there wasn’t, but there could be.”

The alarms blare again before the two can continue, and when Buck hears over the radio that it’s a house fire he knows he won’t be getting this dinner any time soon.

He leaves the pots and pans behind, rushing downstairs to get his suit on before anyone can say anything.

-

The house is charred completely black by the time the fire is put out. Buck finds his arms are heavy from carrying the woman, but he still hugs the small woman back.

“Thank you! Thank you! I’m so glad you saved us!” She rambles into his chest. Buck ignores the way his eyes tear up, instead squeezing her back.

“It’s my job.” He says, unsurely.

She glances up at him, her face soaked with tears. “Thank you.” She says again, quietly this time. She glances back at her family. Her husband is sitting on the back of the ambulance, speaking to Chimney, their toddler bundled up in his arms.

“Did you get checked up, ma’am?” Buck asks. She shakes her head.

“No, I just needed to speak with you first.” She says. She finally completely releases him, taking a step back, before she glances up at him in surprise.

“I-“ she starts, before her eyes roll up into her head and she stumbles backward. Buck leaps forward in surprise, she falls to the ground. And Buck drops to her side not a second later. 

“Hen!” He shouts, checking her breathing. He sees that her chest isn’t rising and falling like it’s meant to, and begins CPR.

“Come on, come on.” He begs quietly. Hen drops beside him, taking over.

Buck falls back into a kneel, leaving Hen room to work, she's barking out information, but there's a ringing in Buck's ears keeping him from really hearing anything she says.

He watches her expression as she checks the woman's breathing again, before glancing up at Chimney and shaking her head.

Buck's face is dropped into his hands when she looks back at him. He breathes deeply a few times, before standing and walking back to the truck.

He sees Bobby looking at him in worry out of the corner of his eye, but Bobby doesn't approach him. Not when there is a grieving husband.

Buck climbs into the truck, making sure the door is firmly closed before he lets any tears out. Buck cries silently, the sounds outside seem as if they're coming into his ears through cotton. 

-

Buck gets his tears cleared up before anyone is back in the truck, when Eddie opens the door beside him Buck peers back with a sad smile.

"Are you alright?" Hen asks, she comes to stand beside Eddie in the open door.

Buck nods, gesturing for Eddie to get in. "I'm fine, Cap wants us to head out soon, right?"

"I suppose we should go get in the ambulance, yeah." She answers, Chimney appears behind her, shooting a concerned glance in Buck's direction before the two head to their own vehicle.

Eddie climbs in beside him, Bobby getting in the front seat and starting to drive not much later.

After a few minutes of silence, Eddie glancing at Buck and Bobby watching in the mirror when they think Buck is not looking, Bobby finally speaks up.

"What was she saying to you, Buck?" Bobby asks quietly, barely sounding over the noisy truck. Buck breathes out a sigh.

"She was thanking me, for saving her family, and for saving... her." Buck's voice barely trembles. Instead sounding almost empty. Bobby and Eddie make eye contact through the mirror.

"You know this wasn't your fault, don't you?" Eddie says, even though he already knows the answer is no.

"Of course." Buck answers, the other two can clearly hear the lie.

-

"Your shift is almost over, why don't you go ahead home." Bobby says as Buck strips off his uniform. Buck tugs his button up on over his undershirt, and shakes his head as he buttons it.

"Exactly, I can stay another half hour, cap. No biggie." 

"Yes, but I think you need some rest. It's been a long day, that last call was pretty rough. And we're a bit overstaffed today anyway." Bobby tells him, ignoring Buck's incredulous stare.

"Overstaffed... Cap this is a fire station."

Bobby smiles, "Yes, with 30 more minutes left of this shift. Go home."

Buck sees what Bobby is doing, he knows Bobby wants him to get to bed. It seems like it's been days since he last slept, even though he knows it was just that morning.

So Buck just nods, resigned. Bobby almost seems surprised by Buck giving in so quickly, but he smiles supportively. "You need anything this evening, call me or Athena." He instructs Buck.

-

Buck considers asking Eddie to bring Christopher over, perhaps to have a sleepover or just a simple game night. But he knows in this state he may make Christopher concerned. The boy always seemed to sense every feeling in the people around him. So before Buck heads out the fire station door he gives Eddie a quick kiss on the forehead, and requests a sleepover the next night.

-

As soon as Buck gets home he drops to the couch, flipping through TV channels. Sometimes he wonders why he hasn't just dropped cable altogether. With working he rarely used it, and when he did he could never find something interesting enough to watch.

He skips through channels until eventually he lands on one showing some cop show. He watches for a few moments, trying to get the gist of what's going on. He can see they're in an interview room, the backdrop a cold gray brick. There's a man sitting in the chair, handcuffed to a bar on the table. The door opens and he looks up to see a woman, blonde hair with a thin, fake smile on her face.

she sits across from him, dropping an open folder in front of him, inside are photos of a young man, staring into the distance with a dark bruise coloring the side of his face. Slightly under that photo is another, the man's chest covered in dark bruises, like hickeys, and a thin ring around his neck.

It finally dawns on Buck exactly which show he has flipped to, when Olivia Benson steps into the room with the blonde woman. He hadn't seen an episode of Law and Order in years, but he finds his attention enraptured as Olivia speaks to the man. The way she digs into him calmly, but passionately.

"I would like to get a lawyer." The man says, a sick smile on his face. He's completely unphased by the women, or by the photos on the table.

The scene transitions, now inside a courtroom. And Buck finds his attention even more captured, his bag is completely ignored on the floor, where he would normally have it unpacked by now. His phone is on top of it, occasionally it beeps with a notification but he ignores them all as he watches the show.

The court scene is long, the teenager from the photos cries on the stand, bruises standing out against his dark skin. But he glares at the man with a fiery gaze.

Buck finds himself holding his breath as the juror says "We find the defendant.." There's a pause, Buck doesn't even blink.

"Guily."

Buck blinks back tears he didn't even know were there. The camera switches to the perp, who's lawyer has leaned over to speak to him. Then it switches to the teenage boy, sitting with his family. His mother and another young boy are in tears as they all hug.

As the credits roll Buck checks the channel directory, and sees that another episode is coming on next, he shrugs and gets comfortable, rubbing his eyes where they're still a little damp.

-

Each episode gives Buck a rush, the victims are all different. The next episode showed a woman who had been attacked for a second time, he finds himself crying with the woman as Olivia explains revictimization. The one after is about a woman in the military who does not want to come forward.

Buck watches each and every episode, crying when the victims cry, cheering when the bad guy is put away. He even finds himself booing when a defendant seemingly gets away with his crime, before it all gets fixed in the end.

-

Buck watches as the juror stands up. He doesn't remember exactly how many episodes it's been, but he still finds his breath catching as he waits for the verdict.

"Not guilty."

Buck's eyes widen, he audibly says "What?"

Olivia repeats the sentiment, glancing toward the ADA. He looks just as stunned, as he looks back at her.

The defendant grins, hugging his lawyer. And the camera switches to the vitim, a small woman who's hands shake as she covers her mouth.

The credits start rolling.

Buck's eyes are leaking before he can even think to stop them.

He scrubs his eyes, as the credits song plays, but glances back up as it ends.

Only to find that the next show isn't another episode of SVU, but instead some other show.

Buck finally glances away from the TV, he had slowly slouched down until he was laying on his side on the couch, blanket thrown haphazardly over him. He reaches for his phone.

As soon as he turns it on he's greeted with the big, bright numbers, reading 4:59 AM.

he groans out loud, before curling up on his couch and deciding to just go to sleep there.

-

"Buck? You okay?" The voice above him asks, he looks up to see Eddie towering over him.

"Eddie?" He asks, his voice sounds rough in the quiet room.

"What are you doing, sleeping on the couch?" Eddie asks, Buck grabs his phone from it spot lying on the ground. It's nearly dead when he turns it on but it reads 7:23 AM.

"I must have fallen asleep here last night." Buck answers, sitting upright. His back is aching something fierce.

"You're gonna hurt your back doing that." Eddie says, Buck looks up at him with a grin.

"Nah, I'll be alright."

-

Buck leads Eddie to his kitchen, turning on his keurig and starting to brew himself a cup.

Buck doesn't mention the time he went to sleep, instead asking Eddie about his morning and more importantly, why he was in Buck's apartment.

"I just wanted to see you, can I not come see my boyfriend?" Eddie teases. He wraps his arms around Buck's waist and Buck leans back comfortably.

"Of course you can." Buck answers, somewhat absentmindedly, as he pours in creamer.

Eddie looks over Buck's shoulder, laughing quietly. "That is a ridiculous amount of creamer." He states.

Buck rolls his eyes, turning to press a soft kiss to Eddie's cheek. "Hm, you're just mad because your black coffee is nasty." Buck pulls down another mug as he says this, starting the machine on Eddie's cup.

He takes a sip of his coffee, ignoring the way it burns his tongue slightly. The sweetness coats his tongue, and the caffeine seems to jump start his brain almost immediately.

"Whatever you want to make yourself believe." Eddie says, letting go of Buck with one arm so he can grab his own cup. He comes to stand beside Buck instead, and the two watch out the window, one arm around each other's waist and the other for sipping their coffee.

"So, Christopher requested you sleepover at ours tonight, I think he really wants to show you his new toys but I said he couldn't bring them all here."

Buck finds a smile growing on his face at the mere mention of the boy. "That sounds great." Buck says.

Eddie drains the last of his coffee. "Well you better get dressed then." He tells Buck.

-

Buck climbs into Eddie's truck, the two deciding to carpool. He tosses his duffel carelessly into the back from between the two front seats. 

He turns to see Eddie watching him, a warm smile on his face.

"What?" Buck asks, finding his face going a little warm at the staring.

Eddie just smiles back. "I just, could get used to this. Us carpooling to work every day."

Buck ignores the way his brain is screaming in excitement, instead nodding coolly. "Yeah," he says simply, but his giddiness is clear as day.

-

The rest of the day is busy, but not nearly as heavy as the day before. There are a couple of simple calls. A little girl gets her head stuck between two bars of a chair. A woman goes into labor on a public bus. And a teenage boy trips and falls at the beach, somehow managing to swallow enough sand to warrant a 911 call.

the in between time is still busy though. Cap had decided today was a perfect time for everyone to do housework, and so Buck finds himself stuck in a storage closet, organizing everything in the room. Surprisingly it takes him almost all day to get everything cleaned.

Chimney is in the room with him most of the day, and the two chat happily. Chimney tells him about the little road trip he and Maddie are considering, and tells Buck maybe he and Eddie should come along.

The two continue to chat about it, and Buck finds himself completely relaxed as they discuss hypothetical trip plans.

-

The shift passes quickly, and Buck doesn't even feel the need to complain about all the cleaning when he finds his brain feeling refreshed in a way it hadn't since Athena had told him about the court date.

He and Eddie head back to Eddie's place, both in a good mood as the comfortable silence is filled by the radio.

Buck finds himself excited to see Christopher, it had been a few days since the two had last hung out and Buck can't wait to hear what stories Christopher has from their time apart.

-

As soon as Eddie has the door unlocked and open Christopher is speeding down the hall, the clicking of his crutches unmistakable. Carla follows behind him, slightly slower.

"Dad! Buck!" Christopher shouts, Eddie picks the boy up, swinging him slightly as he hugs him.

"Hey buddy!" Buck says, Christopher grins from ear to ear as Eddie puts him down and he immediately flings himself into Buck, hugging him tightly.

"I have so many stories to tell you!" Christopher shouts.

-

The family had watched tangled, it being Christopher's favorite movie as of late. Christopher sings along to the movie and Buck finds himself trying to memorize the words so next time he can sing with him.

As the credits roll, Eddie turns to his son. "Well, I think it's time we get to bed, don't you?" 

Christopher let's out a halfhearted "Aww!" But it's cut off by a yawn. The two men smile at the boy between them.

"Yep! Bedtime!" Buck cheers.

-

Buck and Eddie curl into each other's arms. And Buck finds his eyes slipping closed immediately. Normally he would still be awake at this time. Rambling to Eddie about rare natural disasters or anything else that came to his mind, but this time he just sags against Eddie's chest and shuts his eyes. Eddie seems to notice that Buck is too tired to speak because he just plays with Buck's hair with one hand, and silently plays on his phone with the other.

Buck is almost completely asleep when the shouts come from Christopher's room.

He's wide awake immediately. And the two stand up and run to his room together.

"Buck! You're okay!" Christopher calls, Buck finds his eyes watering as he drops to sit on the boys bed beside him. Eddie staying in the doorway.

"Yes! Yeah buddy, of course I'm okay, everything is fine. Did you have a nightmare?" 

Christopher nods, burying his face in Buck's shoulder. "I had a dream about the tsunami. We never found each other." He tells Buck, Buck feels his heart break at the words.

-

Finally, the boy calms down, Buck and Eddie head back to their room. Eddie falling asleep as soon as his head hits the pillows. But they aren't lying down for long before Christopher calls for them again. Only this time it's quiet. Eddie doesn't even move, but Buck hears it clear as day.

Buck is up and down the hall within seconds. Leaving Eddie to sleep. The man is woken up By Christopher every night. He can take care of him for tonight, Buck thinks.

Buck is worried he won't be able to calm the boy down completely, but he gets Christopher back to sleep almost immediately. But he finds all his sleepiness from before had disappeared with Christopher's panicked shouts. He returns to his room, and considers lying back down with Eddie, but he thinks of Christopher's relief when he had seen Buck and decides against it.

Instead he grabs the throw blanket off of Eddie's chair, his pillow, and his phone, and heads back to the boy's room. Silently laying himself down on the small rug in the center of the room.

The next time Christopher wakes with a small cry, Buck simply lays his hand on the bed, Christopher clutching it tightly as Buck whispers reassurances to him.

He leaves his hand there, Christopher holding it loosely in his sleep. Buck uses his other hand to log onto his phone and scroll through the internet.

Eventually he drops his phone, around 4:30 AM, and falls asleep on the floor.

-

"First sleeping on the couch, and now on the floor?" Eddie teases, but when Buck opens his eyes Eddie has the most openly thankful look Buck has ever seen on his face.

His hand is still held in Christopher's hands, but the boy is slowly waking up. The boy clenches his hand loosely, before his eyes pop open, and he rolls over to stretch his arms above his head.

"How'd you two sleep?" Eddie asks, Christopher bounces up into a sitting position. 

"Very well with my Buck here!" Christopher cheers, Buck smiles back at him, determined to ignore the stabbing ache in his lower back.

-

"-And we watched tangled!" Buck turns the corner into the house's kitchen, greeting Carla with a small wave. She smiles at him, before turning back to Christopher.

"I'm glad they finally got to watch it with you!" She tells him, looking back at Buck she continues "It's been his favorite movie this week, we must've watched it ten times already."

"And Buck said next time he can sing along too!" Christopher cheers, Buck feels his face grow warm as Carla looks at him with raised eyebrows and a small smirk. 

"I might just have to employ you to get me a video of that, Chris." She says, before she leans close to Buck and whispers "Parenthood looks good on you, Buckaroo."

Buck laughs, face surely colored with an embarrassing blush. But he's saved from her attention when Eddie enters the room, fully dressed for the day of work.

Eddie gives Carla a quick hug, before scooping Christopher into his arms. "I'll see you tonight, bud!" He tells the boy.

Buck leans towards the two, fluffing up Christopher's hair. The boy leans away from Buck in his father's arms, but continues to laugh cheerfully.

Eddie mentions something else to Carla, about Christopher's homework, so Buck turns to unlock the door. He ignores the way he feels like he's swaying on his feet, thinking about how glad he is that he doesn't need to drive to work today.

-

Buck sluggishly scoops some of Bobby's homemade grits into a bowl. The team is chattering around the table, but most of what they're saying passes through one of Buck's ears and out the other. Occasionally Eddie's knee will bump against Buck's, and each time Buck bumps back, or glances up at him with a smile.

"You with us, Buckaroo?" Hen asks teasingly, Buck looks up from his small spoonful of grits to see the whole team is watching him. He chuckles and nods, deciding to just pour the rest of his breakfast from his bowl directly into his mouth, before he stands up.

"I'm gonna go clean out my locker, Cap has been bugging me to do it for a while." He tells them, ignoring the way that, when he glances over his shoulder, they're all leaned close together, clearly whispering about him.

-

Buck is sitting on the locker room bench, back facing the door. He's hunched over his phone, scrolling through some article about false testimonies, decidedly not cleaning out his locker, when Chimney's voice cuts through the empty room. "Cleaning, huh?"

Buck nearly falls off the bench in surprise, he turns and watches as Chimney sits on the other end of the bench.

"Oh hey, yeah I just got distracted." Buck tells him. Chimney leans in to peer at his phone, and Buck doesn't bother pushing him away.

"False testimonies? Jeez, Buck, are you going to lie?" Chimney asks.

Buck shakes his head vehemently "Of course not! I just..." Buck trails off.

Chimney nudges him "What are you thinking, Buck?"

Buck glances back at Chimney, before staring straight ahead at his locker. "If they think I'm lying, or making something up... Even though I would never do that..."

Chimney places a warm hand on Buck's shoulder, "Buck, I can't say I know what's going to happen at this trial, but I know that you are the most honest person I've ever met. Too honest, sometimes." He pauses, chuckling to himself. "But, anyone with a brain can see that you would never lie about something like this."

Buck finds a small smile growing on his face, and his chest feels a little lighter with every word. "Thanks, Chim."

Chimney nods, as if everything he just said was the most obvious thing in the world. "Now, I also wanted to tell you that you look like you haven't slept at all."

Buck chuckles humorlessly, "That's because I haven't." Buck admits. "Everything has just piled up, I've barely slept two hours a night."

Chimney blows out a whistle, both impressed and stunned. "I don't even know how you're still functioning, but Buck, Maddie is worried about you. She wants you to take care of yourself."

Chimney, of course, knows exactly what to say to make Buck feel guilty. But Buck hates the idea of putting any more stress on Maddie's shoulders. 

Buck stands up, "I'm fi-" he begins, before his vision goes black and he falls limp to the floor.

-

"He just collapsed" A voice says from over him, Buck feels hands rove over his head and neck. Clearly checking him over, but the lights are too bright even to his closed eyes, so he keeps them squinted shut.

The people above him continue to talk to eachother, but he can't quite make out what each voice is saying. He slowly opens his eyes, seeing the whole team's concerned faces over him.

"You with us, Buckaroo?" Hen asks for the second time that day. But this time her voice is filled with worry, her eyebrows are knitted tightly together.

"What happened?" Buck asks, his words slurring together. The team glance at each other nervously.

"You passed out, Ev." Eddie answers, he reaches an arm behind Buck's back to help him slowly sit up against the lockers.

"I think it's sleep deprivation." Chimney says, Buck glares at him.

"I'm okay, I just got up too fast, a head rush is all." Buck tries to tell them.

Bobby shakes his head, "If you're a first responder and you think that is just a head rush, you need some more training." Bobby rubs his forehead. "You're going home." 

"What? But I'm fine! I'm wide awake now!" Buck wants to shout at Bobby, but all he can manage are angry huffs.

"It doesn't matter if you're wide awake, what if this happens on a call, while you're trying to help a patient, or even worse while you're in a burning building?"

Buck drops his head in shame, but nods back at the captain.

"Alright, cap."

-

"I can't believe you passed out! Buck why did you let it get this bad?" Maddie scolds him.

Buck slouches further into his seat, not responding because he knows a response will only make her fuss at him more, instead he stares out his window.

"We're going the wrong way." He realizes, the two heading to opposite direction of Buck's apartment. He watches in resignation as the buildings change into a more residential area.

"Yes, because I had to pick you up on my day off, I am going to keep an eye on you and make sure you don't get yourself into any more trouble." She tells him. 

-

"Go to sleep." Maddie commands, not for the first time. She had Buck settled in her own bed, and she has pulled all her curtains over her windows, turned on a noise maker he didn't even know she had, and bundled blankets all around him.

"I'm trying." He tells her, he tries to sneak his phone out from under himself but she immediately snatches it from his had.

"Nope! Eddie said you stay up too late reading on this thing." She walks back out of the room, but he knows she'll be back in a couple minutes to see if he's sleeping yet.

He lets his mind wander, trying not to let himself get caught in any one thought as he stares at the ceiling. But all he can think about are courtrooms and lawyers and his ex-therapist being the one sitting at the table with her lawyer, like the defendants on Law and Order episodes.

When Maddie pops her head back in the room a couple of minutes later and he turns his head to glance at her, she tells him, yet again. "Go to sleep."

-

"How long has he been sleeping?" Buck can immediately recognize Eddie's voice, he opens one eye the smallest amount, seeing Eddie, Maddie and Chimney standing in the doorway, he shuts his eyes before they can see he's awake.

"Probably almost 12 hours by now." Maddie answers, Buck resists the urge to sit up, had he really been sleeping that long? Instead he keeps his eyes shut and his breath steady, listening for whatever his family has to say about him.

Eddie whistles in response, "Good," He says. "He needs it."

"Has he seemed off, since Athena told him?" Maddie asks. There's a brief silence, before Chimney answers her.

"Yeah, of course he has. I can't imagine him just acting normal with that kind of pressure."

Buck rolls over, making his movements very obvious. 

"Finally awake, sleeping beauty?" Maddie asks, Buck just hums in response.

-

"Has Cap fired me yet?" Buck murmurs. Almost silent against the sound of Eddie's truck. Eddie glances at Buck, then looks back at the road with a chuckle.

"Nah, he did insist you get the day off tomorrow, though." Eddie tells him. The sun is already setting, Buck would normally be concerned about ruining his sleep schedule after napping all day. But despite sleeping for twelve hours straight he can't find himself wanting to do anything other than lay back down.

"That's my last shift before.." Buck trails off, watching the trees pass by as they pull into Eddie's neighborhood. He ignores the way Eddie glances at him again, with that look he gets when Buck is struggling.

"I think it's good, you'll want to be well rested for the trial." Eddie says.

"Maybe so." Buck says, clearly unconvinced.

-

"Morning!" Christopher shouts, bouncing on Eddie and Buck's legs.

"Morning, bud." Eddie says, Buck opens his eyes to see the two watching him, wide smiles on both of their faces. Buck finally feels the disgusting drool all over his chin.

"Eugh." Buck groans as he wipes his chin, "What time is it?"

"It's only seven." Eddie answers, he loops an arm around Buck's shoulders, pulling him closer so he can kiss him on the forehead. "But I wanted to make sure you're up before I head to work."

Buck pouts, looking at Christopher he says, "I can't believe he's going without me. But at least that means we get to have a day!"

"Are you planning on going somewhere? Because you have to be at the courthouse for 3, remember?"

Buck avoids Eddie's gaze as he responds, "Yeah, yeah, I know." Buck says, getting up and tugging on a sweatshirt to fight off the chill in the house."

-

Buck doesn't know what to expect from his meeting. The ADA said something about going over his testimony, and Athena had assured him she would be there the whole time for moral support. But this sort of case is so much different than his previous lawsuit. While that one had been painful and difficult, Buck hadn't needed to share the most private, humiliating details of such a horrible event to a bunch of strangers.

Buck greets the prosecutor, the man is shorter than average, and a little on the heavier side, but he has a comforting smile as he shakes Buck and Athena's hands.

"It's nice to see you again, Sargent Grant. And it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Buckley. My name is Edward Dale." He says, Buck avoids eye contact, instead focusing on the way Edward's cheek forms a small dimple as he speaks.

"You can just call me Buck." Buck says, more from habit than anything. But the lawyer just nods as he leads Buck to the stand.

"We're getting right into it, huh?" Buck asks, glancing to Athena unsurely. She just nods in his direction.

"Yes sir! We need to make sure you're prepared to tell your testimony on the stand tomorrow." Buck ignores the way the word 'tomorrow' makes his skin crawl, he had barely acknowledged how soon the trial actually was.

Edward nudges Buck gently to sit behind the stand. Buck stares out into the courtroom. It's not much unlike the courtroom on Law and Order. And Buck completely understands why the victims had always been so shaky. The room is large, echoing despite all the chairs and desks around it. The pressure to not mess up, to choose all the right words, is palpable even in the almost empty room.

Edward sets a water bottle in front of Buck, before he steps away, saying something to Athena that Buck can't bother to listen to. 

"I'll be right over here, Buckaroo." She tells him, he nods at her. She smiles before turning and sitting in one of the seats behind the lawyer's tables.

"So, Evan, start from the beginning."

-

Buck and Athena are silent as they leave the room. Buck fiddles with the water bottle in his hands, squeezing it until it bends, and then allowing it to come back into it's normal shape.

Athena places a gentle hand on his shoulder, stopping him in the wide hallway of the courthouse. "Buck," She starts, she looks into his eyes, clearly putting the words together in her head.

"I just want you to know, I am so proud of you." She tells him, she starts to rub her thumb gently over his shoulder. "You were so brave in there, I know how hard this must be for you. But I also know that after all of this, you will be glad you helped put her away."

Buck breaks eye contact, blinking away the tears that had been building throughout the entire meeting. "But what if... What if it doesn't work, what if she doesn't get put away?"

Athena shakes her head, leaning forward to catch Buck's eye contact. "No, do not think like that. You do not give up until it's over, you hear me?"

The tears finally spill over, as Buck isn't able to blink them away in time. She tugs him down, pulling his face against her shoulder. "Let it out, Buckaroo. I'm here for you." She says, she strokes the back of his head gently, smoothing down his hair.

-

"Carla is all set with Christopher." Eddie says as Buck towels off his hair. His skin feels almost raw from his shower, he had felt the need to scrub himself clean, the temperature set almost as high as it would go.

"That's good." Buck says, sitting beside Eddie on the bed. Eddie grabs the towel Buck was scrubbing at his wet hair with.

"Let me." Eddie says, before he begins to run the towel over Buck's hair, gently squeezing he strands until they're no longer dripping. Eventually Eddie drops the towel and is just massaging Buck's scalp.

Buck's eyes settle closed, and he leans back until he's laying against Eddie's chest. Eddie begins to hum softly, a song Buck had never heard. He's sure it is usually sang in Spanish. The sounds coming from Eddie's throat make his chest gently rumble, and Buck finds himself dozing off against the man's chest.

"Let's get some rest." Eddie says, gently pulling Buck up the bed so that the two can lay together.

-

Buck's alarm wakes the two up immediately. Buck groans and smacks at his phone until it stops beeping, then rolls over and nuzzles his face back into his boyfriend's neck.

"Do I have to?" Buck says, Eddie hums above him, and pulls his own phone off the nightstand.

"You told me not to let you back out." Eddie says, scrolling through his own phone above Buck's head. Buck looks up, finding Eddie is on a text chain.

"Who's that?" 

Eddie looks at him sheepishly, "Maddie and Athena, we're just going over what time we need to meet up."

Buck groans again, burying his face back into Eddie's chest.

-

"Buck! Eddie!" Maddie calls, false cheer in her voice. Buck follows behind Eddie as they head to the small table in the back of the cafe. Athena and Maddie have already made themselves comfortable, and the four drinks sitting on top of the table tells Buck they've already ordered for Buck and Eddie as well. So much for giving him any chance to procrastinate talking about the day.

Buck settles across from his sister, "Hey, Mads."

"How did you sleep?" She asks, Buck glances up at Eddie and smiles lightly.

"Pretty good, so good that I didn't want to get out of bed." Buck says, popping the lid on his coffee cup so he can start to gulp it down. It's still very hot and it burns his tongue on the way down, but it wakes him up a little, so he won't complain.

"Hm, that's why you didn't want to get out of bed?" Athena says.

-

Buck leaves the cafe even more nervous than before. Eddie, Athena and Maddie had clearly planned eating breakfast together as a way to calm Buck's nerves. But instead his coffee was making him feel jittery. And every time he thought of the court case, in less then four hours, he felt himself get slightly more nauseous.

The four stand in front of the cafe's window, the outside air is chilly this time of year, but Buck finds himself thankful for the distraction. He keeps his arms crossed over his chest, occasionally rubbing his cold arms as the group swap goodbyes.

"Well, we'll see you in a few hours, we'll all be in the gallery the whole time, if you get nervous just look at us." Maddie tells him, she tugs him into a tight hug, before her and Athena head off into the other direction. Buck follows Eddie to the parking garage.

"I don't think that worked the way we wanted it to." Eddie blurts, Buck looks at him with raised eyebrows.

"Mhmm, ya think?"

-

Buck tries to remember the whole team's encouragements. He'd only been able to speak with them for a few minutes, standing outside the courthouse, and then they'd all headed to the gallery. While Buck had been brought to a room with a few other witnesses to wait.

The door to the room opens, and Buck knows exactly what that means, the next witness was being called up. Buck feels anxiety thrum through his veins as a lady pokes her head in, glancing around the room.

"Evan Buckley?" She asks, Buck feels as if his heart is going to beat out of his chest at her words. He stands up, nodding at her when she smiles politely at him.

"Are you ready, sir?" She asks when Buck walks up to her, he takes a deep breath and nods surely.

"I'm ready."

-

"The prosecution calls Evan Buckley."

Buck ignores the way every eye in the room is on him, instead focusing completely on the guard as he holds up a bible for Evan to swear himself in.

"Hello, Evan." Edward says whenever Buck is sworn in. He stands from his table stepping closer to Evan as he prepares to ask him questions. He fiddles with a few papers, before turning completely to Buck.

"Hello." Buck answers quietly, he finally makes himself look out into the courtroom, the jurors are all watching him with rapt attention, in the gallery Maddie, Athena, and the whole station squad are sitting. 

Finally he lets his eyes go to the woman sitting with her lawyer. She looks calm, collected, but he can see the way she stares at him. Her gaze is fiery. Her hands are clenched into fists on top of the desk.

"So, Evan, when did you first meet Dr. Wells?" Edward asks, breaking Buck out of his staring. 

"Um, well I met her officially on January the 10th of 2018, when I was scheduled for a therapy appointment." Buck answers, he can't help but wring his hands behind the podium.

"Yes, and why was this appointment scheduled? What caused you to seek a therapist?" 

Buck still winces at the memory, but he answers the question quickly. "I was on the call where the rollercoaster malfunctioned, I watched a man I was trying to save fall to his death. I was struggling with processing what happened so my Captain suggested I see Dr. Wells."

Edward nods, glancing briefly into the jury, before he continues questioning Buck. "And when you say that you met Dr. Wells officially on January tenth, what do you mean?"

"Well, she had added me on facebook." Buck answers simply. He looks up to see Dr. Wells is still staring at him, and her glare has grown even more angry. 

"Okay. When did you realize that she had added you previously?"

Buck considers the question, he'd known she was familiar from the moment he saw her. "Well, I knew I recognized her from somewhere, but I wasn't sure where. And then around halfway through the session I realized she was someone who had added me after I was on the news."

Edward thanks him, returning to his desk to grab a sheet off of it, and showing it off to the courtroom. "This is a photo of Dr. Wells' facebook page, showing that she had been friends with Evan since a week before his appointment."

"Objection, what does this have to do with anything?" Dr. Wells' lawyer, Mike Xander, finally speaks up for the first time since Buck had come into the room. He's a balding man, a little thick around the middle, and with glasses that seem much too small for his face.

"I'm showing the jury that Dr. Wells had a previous interest in Evan, before he came into her office." Edward explains.

The judge nods, "Overruled." She states. Her voice is commanding, and the defense attorney shrinks back into his chair like a scolded child.

"Now, Mr. Buckley, what happened at your therapy session?"

Buck continues to fiddle with his fingers, "It was normal at first." He starts, but he must be too quiet because the judge interrupts him.

"Keep your voice up." She instructs, more kindly then she had spoken to the lawyer, but still commanding. Buck nods, feeling his neck grow warm.

"Yes, um.." Buck stutters, his voice seems so loud in the almost silent room. "It was just a normal therapy session for the first twenty or thirty minutes, but then Dr. Wells got up from her seat, and she sat beside me. I asked if she had added me on facebook and she told me I would need to delete it. And then..."

Buck pauses, this next part always made him choke up. He recalls explaining it to Edward, in their consultation session. And the way his voice had shaken, how he needed to pause multiple times just so he could force the words out.

"She put her hand on my knee," Buck says slowly, he stares at his hands but keeps his voice loud enough that everyone in the room could surely hear. "And she told me that she couldn't help but scroll through my page, because my life seemed... 'captivating'"

Buck feels the lump growing in his throat, and he freezes, pinching his own hand to try and distract himself.

"What happened next, Mr. Buckley?" Edward says kindly. Buck breathes in deeply, before he looks up. He ignores the way he can see Dr. Wells staring daggers into him, but instead focuses on his family. They're all watching with rapt attention, Maddie already has a bundle of tissues in her hand, but he can tell, even from here, that the look she's giving him is one of solidarity.

She's there for him, and always will be.

"She started to climb into my lap, I didn't understand why at first, but she pushed me down and started unbuttoning my shirt and I realized that she wanted to have sex with me." Buck's voice cracks at the word sex.

Edward nods, urging Buck to continue.

"I tried to move, but she had me trapped. And so I just... froze." Buck says. He remembers the way he had felt, her hands on his wrists, pushing them against the cushions. Her legs pinning him down. "She took off my clothes and she... made me have sex with her."

Edward nods, his eyebrows are knitted together, giving him a clear expression of pity, but Buck knows he is in no place to complain right now. "Did you tell her no, Mr. Buckley?" Edward asks.

Buck knew this question was coming, Edward had warned him he would be asking it. But answering it in front of the entire room still made him cringe.

"No, I didn't tell her no. But I also never told her yes. I did not want what happened to happen." Buck says, he glances to the jury, a couple are nodding.

"Thank you, Mr Buckley." Edward says, he returns to his seat, and immediately turns to watch the other lawyer stand up.

Mike Xander saunters up to Buck as if he owns the place. He stops directly in front of Buck, staring him down through his tiny glasses.

"Mr. Buckley, that is such a sad story, of a poor defenseless victim being trapped by a vicious rapist." Mike starts, Buck flinches at his words. "But, that's not you, is it?"

Buck doesn't know what to say, so he just looks back and forth between Mike and Edward, remaining silent. Thankfully, Mike didn't seem to mean it as a question, because he continues. "No, you're a firefighter. And a damn good one, at that."

This time, he pauses, looking at Buck expectantly for an answer. "Um, thanks." Buck says quietly.

"Yes, a brave firefighter with more stories of saved lives than he can count, and any even higher body count."

"Objection!" Edward calls.

Mike nods and before the judge can say anything he tells the room, "Let me rephrase." He goes back to his desk, picking up a stack of photos. Returning to Buck he holds them up in a way that Buck and the entire jury can see them.

"Do you recognize this woman?" Mike asks, in the photo Buck is sitting on a bench with a woman, one of his girlfriends right before he joined the 118. The two hadn't lasted long as a couple, but he still kept in touch with her.

"Yes, her name is Morgan Dean." Buck answers.

Mike nods, flipping to the next photo, "And her?" this time it's just a girl by herself, but Buck recognizes her as a woman he had slept with a few times. Then Buck realizes where this is going.

"Yes, Bethany Addams." 

"Objection, your honor." Edward says, but Mike cuts him off.

"I am trying to show a pattern in Mr. Buckley's behavior." Mike states. The judge seems to consider it for a moment before she nods and says "I'll allow it."

Buck winces as he's forced to state the name of each woman. Finally Mike sets the photos down. "Now, Mr Buckley, will you tell the jury what all those women have in common."

"I know them all." Buck blurts, not wanting to admit what the lawyer is trying to get him to say.

"Yes, and?" Mike asks, the way he says is makes Buck feel slimy. Mike's grin is wide, seemingly excited for what Buck needs to admit.

"May I remind you, you are under oath Mr Buckley." The judge says. Buck looks up at her, he can feel his shoulders almost pressed to his ears, but he nods.

"I have had sex with all of them." Buck says, shame coloring his face dark red.

"Yes. And am I incorrect in saying that you proclaimed yourself a sex addict?" Mike asks.

"Yes, that is true."

Mike's grin seems to grow even wider, if possible. "So, why is it, that you have slept with plenty of women, but Dr. Wells was different? Is it, maybe, because your friends down at the 118 said that she raped you? And you were just to ashamed to deny it?"

Buck feels ice filling his veins. He'd wondered the same thing. Sure, he'd always known something was wrong with what had happened between him and his therapist. But he had never let himself put the word rape to it. Not until Bobby and Eddie had convinced him.

"No." He answered instead. Because despite everything he had always known he didn't want what she did. "I never gave Dr. Wells any indication that I wanted to have sex. Sure, I've had sex with other women. But not when I had just seen someone die right in front of me."

Buck pauses, breathing deeply to keep the anger that was thrumming under his skin at bay. "Those days, after I watched that man fall, I could barely eat, much less think about having sex."

Mike raises an eyebrow, but he backs up.

"No further questions, your honor."

The feelings thrumming through Buck's veins dissapear, instead replaced with ice cold confusion.

"You may step down, Mr. Buckley." The judge tells him. Buck resists the urge to blurt out "What?" 

He feels as if he had just been getting somewhere, just started explaining how he truly felt, when he had been cut off so abruptly.

He steps outside the courtroom, by himself. He'd expected much more than that. 

"Buck, you did amazing, darling." It's Athena who meets him outside the courtroom. She immediately pulls him into a hug, not unlike their previous hug in the courthouse hallway. "I am so proud of you."

"That.. was it?" Buck asks. Athena glances up in surprise.

"You wanted more?" 

Buck shakes his head, "No, definitely not. If I had to be shown one more picture of someone from my past I would've had another pulmonary embolism."

Athena rolls her eyes good naturedly. "Well, you ready to go back in?"

-

Buck feels as if he's been sitting in this gallery seat, right between Maddie and Eddie, for years, even though it had only been a couple of hours. A few more witnesses step in, talking about Dr. Wells supposed character. A couple old patients, a few colleagues. All giving her glowing reviews in front of the jury. And then it had been time for the closing remarks.

Buck ignores most of Mike's statement. He rambles on about her stellar record, and how she would never force someone into something like that. Buck feels sick when he sees her smiling through it. Eddie grabs Buck's hand at some point, and he squeezes gently when Buck's back tenses up.

Then Edward comes up. Buck had seen enough episodes of Law and Order in the past few days to know that this is where stuff gets real. The counselor would verbally cut the perpetrator into a million pieces. Leaving the jury with no option but to put her in jail.

Edward is calm as he stands in front of the jury, eyeing each one as he begins to speak.

"Dr. Wells is supposed to be a therapist with a perfect record. She is meant to be a therapist that people who have been through a trauma can go to, and leave feeling lighter. Where people can safely divulge all their pain without fear of judgement or repercussion. But instead what we have is a woman who lures people into a false sense of security, before she uses her power to force them to perform sexual acts."

Buck glances at Dr. Wells, she clenches her jaw as she watches Edward. He can see that underneath the table her fists are clenched tightly.

"You have four heroes, brave men who put their life on the line every single day, coming forward to say that this women is putting them in danger, and countless other patients. I want you all to remember that this defendant acted knowingly and intentionally. She knew exactly what to say to convince these men that they could be in trouble if they didn't allow her to do what she wanted."

Buck finally glances around the gallery, he recognizes the other three men instantly. One is sitting by himself, arms wrapped around his own stomach. The next is sitting with a woman, probably his wife. She has her arms wrapped around him supportively, and she keeps glancing at his face in worry. And the last has a small group of men with him, Buck assumes they may be his team. He's openly crying. One of the men beside him is rubbing his back, but staring directly forward. Straight at the back of Dr. Wells head.

"Members of the jury, I believe that it is your duty to help put away this woman. She is a clear detriment to these men's safety, and as an extension of that to the safety of this city as a whole."

-

The jury is gone for almost a full half hour before they finally return. Buck invited the man sitting by himself to sit with them, and learned that the man was named Neal a paramedic with the 109, he's in the middle of quietly telling a story to Buck and his team when the jury enters the room.

The whole gallery sits up straight, watching as the jury returns to their places. A woman stands up, she can't be taller than five foot, but Buck knows that the weight of this whole trial is resting on what she says.

She receives a small piece of paper, and the Judge asks "Jury, what is your verdict?"

There's a silence as she unfolds the paper. Her voice echoes through the silent room, and you could cut the tension with a knife.

"On the charges of two counts of rape, and two counts of sexual battery, we find the defendant Doctor Natalie Wells..."

Buck can't tell if the woman actually pauses, or if the whole world is just going in slow motion. His brain is running a mile a minute as he waits.

"Guilty."

Buck's brain seems to go empty, before a surge of pure feeling rushes through him. He couldn't put into words what the feeling was if he tried, some mix of relief and joy and freedom. He leans over to capture Neal in a tight hug, before he lets go and leans into Eddie's side.

The judge continues speaking, and Buck is sure if he looked up he would see Mrs. Wells face, looking shocked at the revelation. But instead he focuses on the supportive pats on his back and hugs. Maddie has tears streaming down her face when he hugs her, and she squeezes all the air out of his lungs. 

"I have never been more proud of you, Evan."

-

"You really need that many snacks, Buck?" Chimney asks, Buck glances at the two people beside him, Eddie to his left and Christopher to his right, before shrugging his shoulders.

"What kind of road trip would it be without a load of snacks? Come on Chim." 

Chimney rolls his eyes, but spins around when Maddie walks up behind him. He opens the door wider so she can see. 

"Jesus, Buck, how much food do you need?" She asks, Buck glances at the Walmart bags in his arms, each filled with various chips and candies.

"We're growing boys, right, Dad?" Christopher speaks up, turning to Eddie for confirmation.

"Yes," Eddie laughs, "My two growing boys who eat like they haven't had a meal in weeks."

Buck nods, gesturing his head toward Eddie as if to say 'What he said!'

Maddie rolls her eyes, "Whatever! Go load it in the RV."

Buck isn't really sure who's idea it was to rent an entire RV, but Buck can't help but be excited as he and Christopher walk up to it.

"Wow, it's really big." Christopher says in amazement. Buck nods.

"Yeah, this is even nicer than I thought it would be." 

The two make quick work of shoving the snacks in the small kitchen cabinets. And then they begin to explore.

The RV had a master bedroom, and then a fold out couch. Buck, Eddie and Christopher had claimed the bedroom, so Buck tosses his backpack onto the bed, then flops down beside it.

"Hm, not bad!" Buck says, Christopher cheers beside him.

"Are you guys almost ready to head out?" Chimney's voice calls, and Eddie pops his head in the small doorway.

Christopher shouts out a confirmation, before squeezing past Eddie to go talk to his "Aunt and Uncle" as he had recently taken to calling them.

"Hmm, our first road trip as a family, huh?" Eddie says, sitting down beside Buck. Buck leans into his side.

"Yep, three whole days with nothing but Maddie and Chimney's gross couple stuff and Eddie-Buck-Christopher bonding." Buck says, tone light and mouth tilted into a bright smile.

"Come on, I think we're about to head out."

Buck and Eddie walk to the front of the RV, where Maddie, Chimney and Christopher are chatting about their plans for the weekend.

"I hope we get to go to a park!" Christopher says.

"Oh we will be! But I think if we're going to make it there before dark we need to head out!" Eddie tells the boy. Christopher cheers.

"I guess I'll take first shift driving." Eddie says, he presses a soft kiss to Buck's temple before getting into the front seat.

"Family road trip!" Maddie says, pumping a fist in the air. Everyone laughs as they cheer back, "Family road trip!"

Buck watches his family, Chimney pulls a deck of cards out of his bag, "I think we should play BS-" Maddie swats at Chimney's arm, and he quickly glances at Christopher before saying. "I mean, lies!" 

Buck laughs at Chimney's terrible attempt at censoring himself. And thinks, yeah. He could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! Thank you so much to anyone who read this whole thing. This ended up a whole lot longer than I thought it would be. I would love to hear what you thought of it!


End file.
